How do you deal with stress?

Well, the past few weeks have been some of the most stressful weeks of my life! First, C and I were busy every night and weekend. We couldn't find time to do anything together. This really frustrated me. I get that people want to see us, and he has his hobbies but I can only go so long without spending time together. This made us learn, we need to say no sometimes. If people get mad, so be it. It's our first year of marriage - we can be selfish with our time. We'll never get this time back. Last weekend we finally spent time together - just the two of us! It definitely gave me the boost I needed.

So with things on the relationship front on track, work decided to kick my butt. Everyday seemed worse than the last. I can't remember the last time I was so stressed out that I just sat at my desk and cried. Yep, I have turned into an emotional wreck. I dread the feeling of going to work, and I have no idea what will come up each day. This uneasy feeling just does not work for me. I am not usually a negative person, however, I can't seem to dig myself out of my funk. I honestly don't know what more to do. I feel like I am under attack everyday. The worst is that people who I respected and thought had integrity showed their true colours. One thing I have learned, I will never throw anybody under the bus to get attention or to take the heat off of me. I own up to my mistakes, and I will forever stick up for those around me. If others want to play the name game, I can only breathe and know that I have done my best and have done it with integrity, honesty and some Elizabeth flare! 

So today I made a decision, it's time to deal with the stress and look at the positives. I do have some amazing co-workers, who I do look forward to seeing everyday. Co-workers who actually care about more than if I made them look good or not. These are people I shall focus my energy on. I also have a huge community of support in my church. They lift me up and remind me that I am not alone, there is a plan for my life and I must just have faith in that plan. No matter what the situation, I should cast my cares on Him for He cares for us. The best thing, I have the love of a man, who woke up when I was leaving just to say he loved me and that my day was going to be okay. No matter what happens, he loves me and our life together is more important than any job.

So, although I had a teary eyed moment today, I am confident I will buck up and get back to being my happy self. Already tonight I feel so much better. After I got home from work, I decided to do what makes me happy - cook and bake! I made some delicious pumpkin curry for dinner, which unfortunately C was not home for but will enjoy for his lunch tomorrow ;) I also made homemade tomato sauce, which then I turned into a delicious and fresh lasagna. I can't wait to bake this up tomorrow for dinner! To finish off my night, I made pumpkin cupcakes with cinnamon brown sugar buttercream icing.  They don't look exactly like I thought, but they sure do taste good. I seem to have taken out all my aggression on frosting and sauce, such a freeing night!

To finish off, these bad few weeks have taught me some really good lessons.
1. I love to cook/bake. I hope one day I can own my own little bakery/restaurant - time to dream!
2. I have a lot of people who support me and I shouldn't focus on those who want to tear me down - focus on those who love me. I have amazing friends, family, co-workers and my husband!
3. When I wear 5-inch heals and a cute outfit at work - I feel like I can take on the world. When you're having an off day, try and dress up in your favourite outfit. It's amazing what a pair of shoes and some pantyhose can do!

How things change when you are married

Recently I read a study that suggested the first two years of marriage set the stage for the next 13 years. The University of Texas looked at 156 couples from the time they were married to their 13 year anniversary. Researchers found:


• 68 couples were happily married
• 32 couples were unhappily married
• 56 couples had divorced

The researchers discovered "differences between the happily married and unhappily married groups were apparent right after they tied the knot." Those who divorced within the first two years showed signs of disillusionment and negative feelings within the FIRST TWO MONTHS! They also found that those who were happily married had positive feelings for their spouses for the first two years of marriage.

This study fascinated me. Within the first two months of marriage, people who had negative feelings towards each other. Ok so although the first couple years are said to be the most difficult, I think they can also be the most exciting and joyous. You are learning about each other in a completely different way. There is just so much to learn about one another and so much to express to one another. It’s amazing what you learn – from how many little hairs get stuck all around your clean sink from him shaving his face to smiling when you wake up every day when you see his face.

So it made me wonder, what could cause disillusionment within the first two months of marriage? The study found that the divorced couples avoided conflict in the first two years of marriage. When they did fight they often fought about in-laws, lack of respect, finances, commitment on time to other things, substance abuse, mental/physical abuse and unrealistic expectations. Wow, that is a long list. Anybody who is married or in a serious relationship has probably fought about many of these things.

I can’t say that C and I haven’t fought in our first three months of marriage but I can say that I am only happier that I married him every day. Before we got married we promised each other that we would never go to bed angry. It may not always be the case, but we work hard to talk things out before we go to bed. We also talk a lot about when we are feeling overwhelmed with outside stresses or even stresses between us.

Our biggest source of stress is our lack of time for each other. Since we got married, we have been busy every week/weekend doing something with friends and/or family. It seems we never have anytime to ourselves. Many weekends we have decided that we are going to take them as C&E time, but something has always come up to trump what we doing. I am definitely the type that needs to have a stress free fun day with C. Work has become increasingly stressful and when I see C, I just want it to be us. Unfortunately between his hobby of ralllying and many family functions, we really haven’t spent any time together.

I suppose my expectations were unrealistic. I thought that when we got married, we’d spend weekends going on picnics, wine tasting, walks in the park or watching movies in our pj’s all day long. I had this image of spending time together, holding hands, cuddling and only having eyes for each other. Now we tend to go places, but hang out with different people. I am lucky if we hold hands for a minute. We honestly want to say no to certain functions and spend that time together but we’ve found that people can get really mad and offended if we say no. We’ve actually been really shocked to hear about people feeling that we are not there when we feel we are overwhelmed by the amount of time we spend on others. I suppose getting married isn’t just a change for us, but a change for those closest to us. I think though, what matters most is that C and I get the time we need. We make the time for us. People who get mad, will just have to deal and understand that there are new boundaries to respect and we need to stand up for us and our relationship. I refuse to let the stresses the study found be the demise of my relationship. We love each other and that’s what’s important, more important than somebody being mad we can’t do what we used to do with them.

The newlywed stage of marriage is where you can build the foundation and set the stage for a life-long, meaningful marriage and we intend to enjoy it!

Why I didn't marry my best friend

A trend I’ve been experience lately is the whole idea of marrying your best friend. I have been asked time and time again; did you marry your best friend? People who give their marriage advice say, “Be best friends, that’s the key to a long and happy marriage.” The more people say it, the more I feel like telling them I don’t believe in marrying your best friend. I think marriage is a lot different than friendship. I feel like if I were to be best friends with C, we would turn into roommates rather than husband and wife.


Reason one: LOVE

On the outside, it sounds great to have the best of both worlds: love and friendship. However, there is a difference between love and being in love with each other. Clearly I will not go into the philosophical meanings of love, but I do believe that there are different types of love. I don’t love my best friends the same way I love C. For example, I love my best friend J. Not only do we have the best time with each other, but we really get each other on a different level. She can tell just by my voice or a word I use that something is the matter or I have something to say. 

C and I have similar things in our relationship, but they are on a different level. We talk about everything but it’s really different. I love C from my core, with everything I have. We are a part of each other’s soul, now that is a different love.

Reason two: Romance

I’m just going to throw this out there; the idea of being romantic with J makes me want to puke. We talk, share memories but I don’t ever want to throw it down with her. We are close but not in that way!

With C, our love is passionate. Every time I see him, I feel butterflies. I still wake up thinking, I got to marry you and I am so happy. When we kiss, I still feel weak. People say that feeling doesn’t last forever, but that is where romance comes in. We make it a point to go out together for a date night – no talk of a house, finances or work – we talk about us. We connect on a deeper level – even if it’s just an hour that romance is important in keeping us fresh and not becoming complacent. I think that’s why I still feel like we are kissing for the first time. Every feeling is fresh and I always am happy I married C.

Reason three: Pressure

I heard a statistic that people who believe in perfect soul mates tend to get divorced more often than those who believe it takes work to keep the marriage going. I think believing you are marrying your best friend or your soul mate puts so much pressure on the relationship. It makes you think everything should be perfect. Marriage takes work. It’s not perfect and never will be. I would love to believe that we don’t have to work at it, but we do. Trying to make everything perfect can strain a relationship. Perfection is unattainable and it’s not a word we use to describe our marriage. We are happy, but we work every day to keep our relationship healthy. It’s not a choice you have to make. I love C and I cannot imagine my life with him but we still need to make time for us and keep our relationship fluid. I don’t think putting that kind of pressure on the relationship makes for a healthy, happy and successful one.

There are many more reasons but those are my top three. Although we have a close relationship and have similar attributes that best friends have, we are much more than that. He’s the love of my life. He makes me want to be a better person every day. I think putting that label on it degrades the love we have. It’s deep, it’s intense but most of all it’s made me happier than I have ever been.

Another round of firsts

On July 10 we celebrated C's birthday with a very special Mexican Fiesta party at his cottage. It was a blast! Everybody seemed to have had a great time, plus I got to try out my hand at cooking Mexican foods from slow roasted beef and chicken to dirty rice. It was a feast indeed! A big thank you to our friends for coming and to some new friends K & A for bringing fireworks! That's a way to cap off a great night ;)

After work on Monday, I started to feel really sick. Ah...I had the flu...fever, aches, chills, nausea and many other flu like symptoms. I couldn't eat and could barly move from my bed to the couch. For the first time in mnay years I was not alone...C lived with me. Finally I could be taken care of and not have to figure out how to get gingerale or crackers. It was Tuesday at 10:00pm when I realized, C had not come home and I was alone. The whole week while I was in bed sick with the flu my new husband was working on his car at his parents house, coming home only to sleep and always after I was in bed for hours already. This marked our first fight as Mr. and Mrs. Martin. I have the flu. I cannot move. I cannot go to the store to get myself gingerale or any other items I may need. I was sick.C was busy working on his car, not working on getting me crackers! In those few days of being sick I felt worse than I had felt in a long time. How can you be married, have a partner and not have anybody to take care of you? I cried many times that week - some tears of pure hurt and some of shame that I felt so alone. I still don't really understand how you can avoid your sick wife for a week? I get that life doesn't stop just because I am sick, however I would appreciate a quick check in, some supplies and perhaps a hug before going to work on cars. Yes...the battle continues....cars vs Elizabeth. I hope I win next time.  

After my illness kicked my butt. My sister and her crew came over for a visit. It was so nice to see my nephews and my sister! Seeing them really lifted my spirits. I felt better, I felt people cared, time to move on. On Saturday my mom and aunty joined me for a girls night out - which entailed an incredible dinner at Tundra (Hilton Hotel - amazing summerlicious menu - check it out!). Then we crossed the street and watched Donny and Marie Osmond at the Four Seasons Centre. First, I have been a HUGE fan of Marie Osmand my entire life. Every summer I would watch Gift of Love, which she starred in. I was determined to be her one day...that hasn't happened but I was excited to see her! Sadly, she did NOT perform! No, she was sick...which meant Donny had to do the full show. OH the maddness of people. I have never seen so many Walking on a Cloud wearing laides be so mad. People were screaming for their money back. Instead of yelling, or being upset, we decided to get an upgrade on our tickets. WE had the best view of Donny Osmand...and I must say he has aged well! It was a good show. After we tried to sneak in a hello, however he was too tired to say hello, give an autograph or take a picture with the many women waiting at the stage door. My opinion of him is not as great as it used to be, but hey he's kinda old so I guess he needed a nap. Anyway, the best part of the whole show was enjoying it with my mom and aunt. We always have fun together and never stop laughing. The older I get the happier I am that my family is so awesome. I am a relaly lucky girl. I am determined to do more nights like that - but next time my sister will have to join us! The four of us Sweet/Guy/Newcomb/Martin girls...out on the town! Good times ;)

I am hoping this week turns out to be full of laughter and good times! Stay tuned...another marital story coming soon!

One month in

Well, I can't believe it but yesterday was our one month anniversary Yes folks, C and I have been married for ONE whole month. It still baffles me, I am married. I have a husband. Most days I feel like I am playing house, it's not real - it's just pretend but it's not. So far married life has been a blast. People often ask what my favourite part of it is and I don't know if I can choose just one. I love waking up and seeing C there. I love having two bath towels in the bathroom and the smell of his body wash. I love having so much good food in the fridge - the house is no longer carb free! I love sitting with him on couch watching tv. I love eating dinner every night together. BUT most of all, I love all the laughter we share. I cannot stress how important it is to laugh together. It really makes for a fun relationship and one that I intend to protect at all costs.

It's funny how things have changed for me in just one month. First I am way less stressed out about things. It's really great to have a partner to fall back on if something were to happen. That peace of mind has followed me into work. I am not getting caught up on the small things anymore, I just want to get my job done so I can go home to my husband. Nothing makes me happier than to see the clock change to 4:30pm and I can leave to see my man. I have also started really getting into cooking/baking. I always liked to cook before and would make things when he came over, but i never really made full meals for myself or baked anything substantial. Now that I am married - I cook everyday and at least once a week I bake something.

Last night for our one month I baked a special Italian inspired dinner. First I used my magic bullet (best thing I have ever bought!) to make my bruschetta mixture. I toasted the baguette in a pan with butter - so it was warm, buttery and amazing! For the main course I created our favourite two dishes from Italy. Mine was pasta - so I made cannelloni stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach then smothered with my homemade tomato sauce and cheese. Chris's favourite was lemon veal, so I found the recipe online of how to make it a true Italian dish and bam we were back in Italy. For dessert I decided to add in a little of home, a fresh Ontario grown Strawberry Pie...and it was delicious! I am very proud of my creation.

So with one month down and a lifetime to go, I am pretty certain my life will be full of love, laughter and excitement.

A true married weekend



Time to cut the cake!

 This weekend turned out to be my dream of what married life would be. To some, my weekend would seem dull and boring but to me, it was magical! Strap yourself in, here is my exciting weekend.

Friday
After working for what seemed like a 20 hour day (in actuality it was 7 hours), I raced home to get ready for our first dinner party with our engaged friends N&A. What a blast, C and I worked really well together! While C worked on his famous BBQ beer can chicken, I wiped the bathroom down, cleaned up the living room and vacuumed. While C was outside, I cleaned up the kitchen and started in on my side dishes and dessert. Thanks for my wonderful kitchen aid stand-mixer, my cream whipped for dessert as I put together one of the best dressings I have ever made:

Warm Gorgonzola Dressing.
4 strips maple bacon
3/4 cup of olive oil
1/3 cup red wine vinegar
1/4 cup white sugar
1 tsp salt
1 clove of minced garlic
2 oz of crumbled Gorgonzola Cheese
handful of toasted slivered almonds

Cook bacon until very crispy, put to side. Toast slivered almonds in a bit of bacon fat. put to side. In a blender mix olive oil, red wine vinegar, white sugar, salt, garlic and cheese until smooth. Put into sauce pan, add crumbled bacon and almonds. Heat and serve on green spinach.

 After that was done, C helped set the table and chop the veggies for the meal while I prepared our appetizer of caprese salad with smokey vinegar and rosemary olive oil. The night was so much fun, two couples making chit chat and dreaming of joint vacations. Hearing about N&A's wedding planning so far was a blast! I remember the fun initial planning, when people were asking questions and looking at you with awe when you said where you were getting married. Their wedding is sure to be a good time and happens to fall on our first year anniversary weekend! What a blast to remember our wedding and celebrate our friends commitment. When they left, we hugged and said how grateful we were for friends like them and how happy we were to share our first married dinner party with them.

On Saturday, as C slept I finished cleaning up the kitchen, emptied the dishwasher, made coffee and started on three loads of laundry. While watching Oddities on Discovery Channel, we drank our coffee and ate my homemade egg mcmuffins with the left over maple bacon - amazing. Finally it was time to shower and get ready for the day. I jumped in the shower first, since I take the most time. Sadly, the shower head broke and hit me on my mouth. Startled and shaking I ran out of the shower to a man watching racing videos who was not so happy to be interrupted. He asked, "What did you break?" With a quivering voice I said, "the shower head fell off and hit me in the face. It hurts." With that the tears started to flow. C went to fix the shower and I sat on the couch, in tears and checking to see if my teeth were broken. He came out, telling me it needed a part that we can get at Canadian Tire. He proceeded to hug me and tell me it was all ok. That moment I became aware, I was truly not alone and had a man who cared about my teeth. Joyful.

The feeling of over the moon love didn't stop after a trip to Ikea for a dresser and Canadian Tire for the part. It only grew as we went to visit my ill grandma and see our nephews. I was happy. Happier than I knew. I really did love this man!

Sunday, another great day. It started off with a very nice welcome back to Church after getting married. It was a thrill to hear Mr. and Mrs. Martin and sit once again among our friends in the place we said I do. I had to hold back the tears through-out the service at the memories of the greatest day of my life. After we grocery shopped, ate food, ironed, changed the bed and watched Myth Busters on Discovery.

This weekend was exactly as I wanted it to be. We did all the married people things, like errands and laundry but most of all I actually took a breath to feel just how happy I am. We can get really busy but to have weekends like this reminds me of what I always dreamed a marriage would be, full of love and laughs. I have a good man and I am blessed.

What's yours is mine...or is it?

I knew getting married would be an adjustment - but an ever bigger one is living with a boy. I have lived on my own for so long, I wasn't really expecting my space to be challenged or that I would actually like it. For us there are four rooms which we spend the majority of our time: kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom. All rooms used to just be mine and now, there is somebody else's stuff in there. How have things changed? Well let's start with the kitchen.

Kitchen:
This is my favourite room in the house. It allows me to get out of my head and just be creative. It's relaxing and fun - most of the time. I hate clutter. I hate having a lot of stuff and I hate a full fridge where you can't find anything or a full freezer with frost bitten meat or bread. When C moved in, we did a big grocery shop. Not only did my weekly grocery bill double, but my fridge is now full of foods and juices I would never have had before. I must admit, I was a little anxious about having such a full and unorganized fridge, however after moving things around I can honestly say that I am rolling with it and continue to keep a full fridge and even drink juice every so often!

Living Room:
My tv, my couch, my tv....yes I am a tv junkie. I love watching my reality tv (The Bachelorette is starting to get on my nerves though...Bentley is gross, get over him miss Ashely) and I love to watch the Young and the Restless. What's the problem? There is a boy watching tv with me who does not like those shows, not he likes to watch cars or How's it's Made etc. How do you adjust to having your remote taken over? This is one to work on. So far we've been good at sharing but I bet C will not be so pleased after our honeymoon phase is over.

Bedroom:
I sleep in a ball in the corner of the bed and I don't move all night. When I get up in the morning, I don't have to make the bed. All I do is pull my cover over, put on my throw pillows and go. C throws all the blankets around and take the entire bed. How strange it is to have to remake the bed everyday. I miss the easy days of just putting my blanket  back up.

Pillows...I have a pillow that I sleep on that's cozy and wonderful. C did not. After some restless nights, C felt his pillow was the culprit. Being the doting wife I am, I gave him my pillow, my fluffy wonderful pillow. I now have the crappy pillow and he sleeps like a baby. hmm...good thing I love him so much.

Dirty laundry....how many times did I used to do laundry for myself? About once or twice a week. I changed my sheets every two days and that was it. Now with C, laundry has gone through the roof. Not only do I have to do at least three loads each time, but I have to do it more than once a week. I am starting to feel like a cleaner. Maybe he'll tip me for my services?

Bathroom:
My bathroom always smelled good and was always clean. I was in for a huge surprise - when C shaves...his hair sticks to everything. I now have to wipe the bathroom down everyday and on top of that scrub the sink hard to get those little hairs off. How my dad never made a mess, I will never know. C is good though, he does wipe it down after he's shaved, however, my definition of clean is much different!

So, here we have it. Living with a boy is changing how I do things but I can honestly say that everyday I wake up happy to be with C. Not only do I get to have the person I love the most with me everyday, but I get to learn more and more about him everyday. There will definitely be some adjusting but at least it's with him.

From Sweet to Martin

Well it's been a while since I've blogged, mostly because I GOT MARRIED!!! That's right, Miss Elizabeth Catherine Sweet is now Mrs. Elizabeth Catherine Martin. I never realized how incredible it would feel to be a Mrs. Sometimes during the day I catch myself looking down at my rings and thinking, wow did I really get married?

Last night I came home from a long day a work, all I wanted to do was curl up on the couch and watch the y&r but when I walked in I was greeted by a handsome man armed with a kiss. Now that's something I can get used to. It actually makes me think, is it really so hard to be married? So, with that in mind I've decided to change up my blog a bit. It's time to chronicle the ups and downs of being Mrs. Martin.

An Insecure Mrs.
Before C and I got married, I was bombarded with concerns for his laundry and meals. I am not a feminist by any stretch, however I do firmly believe that men should help out and women shouldn't have to do everything in the house. The "roles" have changed over time and I for one believe that we should be partners rather than me a servant. Although C did not share the same concerns as others did, I was still really bothered by the notion that women have one role in the house and that is to be the perfect homemaker.

Although the concerns were voiced at every given opportunity, I tried to let it slide off my back. C doesn't think this way so why did I care so much? The fact of the matter was I didn't want to disappoint my new husband, nor did I want anyone to think I wasn't good enough as a wife. The fear and anxiety of not being enough drove me to tears - which culminated for hours after our rehearsal dinner. Thankfully my best friend was staying with me before the wedding. She kept reassuring me that I was going to be the best wife and C was lucky to get me. That paired with C actually telling me himself that he was so excited and happy to be marrying me helped sooth my fears...for the time being.

It wasn't long after we came back from the honeymoon the concerns started again. My frustration grew more and more this time. I couldn't help with wonder, how do other people deal with the pressures of being a wife? My friend G has been married for quite sometime and has felt a lot of the same pressures. It was so nice to hear that I wasn't alone or crazy for feeling so disheartened. Her solution - make clear boundaries with the husband from day one. Don't get into a rut of being a housewife, split the responsibilities and keep the communication open about what you are feeling or if you feel overwhelmed. She also said to talk to C about what I was feeling - let him know how hurt and upset I was getting. Good advice I thought, so I decided to talk to C. What a man! He was on my side and totally understood. I started to feel better and better. I can do this wife thing.

As we got back to our daily routine, it started again. Questions about how I was as a wife. First of all you must know that I am a great cook and love to cook. C and I eat very well and C helps a lot in the kitchen. He is a master with the bbq and I am the master of baking/inside cooking. If I am going to be home late, C bbq's. If I am home on time - I cook. Easy! I baked a homemade lasagna from scratch for my dad for fathers day. He has raved about it ever since. SEE I AM A GOOD COOK!

Secondly, if I am making something for dinner that can be taken as lunch, C gets that for lunch. If not, then whatever I am making for me he gets. If he doesn't like it - he is welcome to go out to eat or make his own lunch. I am not the lunch lady and I refuse to make special meals just for him to consume at work. C has loved every meal I have given him, so far not an issue.

Thirdly, I have been doing my own laundry for YEARS. I have been on my own for almost 10 years. I clearly know how to keep my clothes clean - and not ruin them. C's clothes have been washed, ironed, folded and put away in the same manner I do mine. Again, if he doesn't like it he can do it himself but he is happy with my launder skills and smells good everyday. I would say a win.

So, what's the problem? Even though I can cook, clean and do laundry people still ask me what I am doing and if I am doing things "the right way". What does that even mean? So my ten years of living on my own has taught me nothing? My mother didn't teach me how to do things like laundry or cooking? Actually she did and did a very good job. She instilled in us kids the importance of being independent and being clean. Everything I have learned about being a grown-up and doing housework has been from my mom. If I sound defensive - it's because I am. I am sick of being treated like I don't know how to live or to live with somebody.C keeps reminding that he is thankful and happy to be with me...but why does this still nag at me?

My friend O explained that when she got married people were always making passive aggressive jokes about her not knowing how to cook or how she shrinks things. Her marriage actually started to fall apart because of the constant badgering. She said she didn't feel like she was enough - that she would never measure up. The more people talked about it, the more she felt depressed. Her husband didn't seem to notice. After only nine months of marriage, it was over. She couldn't take the pressure. Her husband was in shock, but in her mind he didn't stick up for her so he believed what others were saying. She felt she had a F at being a Mrs.

Although I am not even close to that point, I understand where she is coming from. Insecurities come out when people make you feel less than. You start to question everything you do and try that much harder to be better. Thankfully C is very supportive and appreciative of all the work I have been doing. So much so I baked him cookies last night!

How I have decided to deal with people's concerns for his well-being...ignore. I plan to remove myself from people who make me feel less than and be around those who are supportive. At the end of the day C and I have a lot of love and I will protect that love with everything I have got.

Till next time - stay fabulous!