Your best accessory: Friends

I haven't been writing much lately. It's not because I haven't reached my goals, I have but somehow things have become overwhelming and stressful. The past few months have been a ride for me, some with amazing ups and some with real downs.

Last night at Bible Study I was struck by the passage we read.Philippians 1:6 says, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." The grace that God gives is amazing. With my life feeling out of control, I lost the sight that God has a plan for my life, no matter how imperfect I may be, He loves me. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since.

For months I have been dealing with issues around friends, their loyalty and feeling blamed for certain relationships breaking. Last night, I couldn't sleep. I took to my Bible and I took to paper. I started by writing out those people to whom I have felt hurt by and those who I have not yet forgiven. I know that we are supposed to forgive, because God forgives us, but somehow I can't seem to always forgive. In particular, those who have tried to break my relationship with my fiance and those who do not support our relationship. It's something that is very special to me, a relationship that I believe is meant to be. The man and I have a connection that is indescribable. In my times of despair, I go to him and he is there to pick me up. In times of great joy, he is the one I want to run to. No matter what is happening, we are a team and get through everything together. However strong we are, people can have a huge affect on our relationship. With certain friends not in the picture, or not supporting our relationship the stress can become more prominent than the reasons we fell in love and decided to get married.

After writing for a while I realized that I was deeply hurt that some people, who called themselves friends, do not support our relationship and have tried to create friction. I have always believed that you can tell a lot about a person by their friends. It made me questions the motives behind each person. Sometimes you can't predict what people are going to. Perhaps they are not happy in their lives, maybe they are jealous of our relationship. I don't know if I will ever know the answer to the questions, but all I can do is pray for them, the relationship and the stress it can cause all those involved.

I can't change how people feel and I can't change how they act but I can change the way I act and feel. For months I have been trying to forgive, but maybe I am not forgiving myself. I put a lot of trust into those people and the break of trust was a huge blow to me. I felt stupid for not seeing the signs before, even when those close to me pointed out that I should be careful. Sometimes other's can see more than you can. Why didn't I clue in?

I like to think of myself as a rather trusting person. I see good in people and I focus on that. My life has taught me, you can trust fully with your whole heart but be aware of those you are trusting. Looking back I can see warning signs, but I wanted everybody to get along. Even after I felt a betrayal or hurt, I would try and get past it. Forgive and forget. Sometimes though, forgetting isn't always easy. I have gone out of my way to make things right with all the people. I sucked up my pride to try and smooth things over for those I love the most. Unfortunately, the lack of response and caring towards me and my feelings has caused me to write those people off. I want nothing to do with them. I can forgive what they did but I cannot allow myself to be bullied and hurt.

I was left with more questions. If God can give grace to all people, even those who tried to kill Jesus, why can't I try to let those people into my life? Can I ever truly forgive them? How can I show grace?

With so many questions, I did learn that even when I am at my weakest God is in control. But He's not just in control of my life, He's in control of those people's lives as well. God has a plan, and all I can do is have faith. I may not understand but someday I will. God will use what has happened in the way He sees fit. Most of all, last night's written journal of pain turned into one of joy. I have amazing things in my life. I have an incredible family, who love me unconditionally. I have the best friends I could ever imagine. Ones who always stick up for me and are always on my side. They pick up me up when I am down and love me for who I am. Finally, I have a man who I love and loves me. A man who I am going to spend the rest of my life with - no matter what happens we have each other to lean on.

So, this is a long post but one that is straight from my heart. I hope everybody who reads this blog sees the love they have in their lives and stops to focus on it today, tomorrow and everyday. Take a look at those around you, those who love you and support you. Life can feel out of control, but have faith there is a plan and people are in your life for a reason.

Remember - your friends are your best accessory!
xoxo