Why I didn't marry my best friend

A trend I’ve been experience lately is the whole idea of marrying your best friend. I have been asked time and time again; did you marry your best friend? People who give their marriage advice say, “Be best friends, that’s the key to a long and happy marriage.” The more people say it, the more I feel like telling them I don’t believe in marrying your best friend. I think marriage is a lot different than friendship. I feel like if I were to be best friends with C, we would turn into roommates rather than husband and wife.


Reason one: LOVE

On the outside, it sounds great to have the best of both worlds: love and friendship. However, there is a difference between love and being in love with each other. Clearly I will not go into the philosophical meanings of love, but I do believe that there are different types of love. I don’t love my best friends the same way I love C. For example, I love my best friend J. Not only do we have the best time with each other, but we really get each other on a different level. She can tell just by my voice or a word I use that something is the matter or I have something to say. 

C and I have similar things in our relationship, but they are on a different level. We talk about everything but it’s really different. I love C from my core, with everything I have. We are a part of each other’s soul, now that is a different love.

Reason two: Romance

I’m just going to throw this out there; the idea of being romantic with J makes me want to puke. We talk, share memories but I don’t ever want to throw it down with her. We are close but not in that way!

With C, our love is passionate. Every time I see him, I feel butterflies. I still wake up thinking, I got to marry you and I am so happy. When we kiss, I still feel weak. People say that feeling doesn’t last forever, but that is where romance comes in. We make it a point to go out together for a date night – no talk of a house, finances or work – we talk about us. We connect on a deeper level – even if it’s just an hour that romance is important in keeping us fresh and not becoming complacent. I think that’s why I still feel like we are kissing for the first time. Every feeling is fresh and I always am happy I married C.

Reason three: Pressure

I heard a statistic that people who believe in perfect soul mates tend to get divorced more often than those who believe it takes work to keep the marriage going. I think believing you are marrying your best friend or your soul mate puts so much pressure on the relationship. It makes you think everything should be perfect. Marriage takes work. It’s not perfect and never will be. I would love to believe that we don’t have to work at it, but we do. Trying to make everything perfect can strain a relationship. Perfection is unattainable and it’s not a word we use to describe our marriage. We are happy, but we work every day to keep our relationship healthy. It’s not a choice you have to make. I love C and I cannot imagine my life with him but we still need to make time for us and keep our relationship fluid. I don’t think putting that kind of pressure on the relationship makes for a healthy, happy and successful one.

There are many more reasons but those are my top three. Although we have a close relationship and have similar attributes that best friends have, we are much more than that. He’s the love of my life. He makes me want to be a better person every day. I think putting that label on it degrades the love we have. It’s deep, it’s intense but most of all it’s made me happier than I have ever been.