Why I didn't marry my best friend

A trend I’ve been experience lately is the whole idea of marrying your best friend. I have been asked time and time again; did you marry your best friend? People who give their marriage advice say, “Be best friends, that’s the key to a long and happy marriage.” The more people say it, the more I feel like telling them I don’t believe in marrying your best friend. I think marriage is a lot different than friendship. I feel like if I were to be best friends with C, we would turn into roommates rather than husband and wife.


Reason one: LOVE

On the outside, it sounds great to have the best of both worlds: love and friendship. However, there is a difference between love and being in love with each other. Clearly I will not go into the philosophical meanings of love, but I do believe that there are different types of love. I don’t love my best friends the same way I love C. For example, I love my best friend J. Not only do we have the best time with each other, but we really get each other on a different level. She can tell just by my voice or a word I use that something is the matter or I have something to say. 

C and I have similar things in our relationship, but they are on a different level. We talk about everything but it’s really different. I love C from my core, with everything I have. We are a part of each other’s soul, now that is a different love.

Reason two: Romance

I’m just going to throw this out there; the idea of being romantic with J makes me want to puke. We talk, share memories but I don’t ever want to throw it down with her. We are close but not in that way!

With C, our love is passionate. Every time I see him, I feel butterflies. I still wake up thinking, I got to marry you and I am so happy. When we kiss, I still feel weak. People say that feeling doesn’t last forever, but that is where romance comes in. We make it a point to go out together for a date night – no talk of a house, finances or work – we talk about us. We connect on a deeper level – even if it’s just an hour that romance is important in keeping us fresh and not becoming complacent. I think that’s why I still feel like we are kissing for the first time. Every feeling is fresh and I always am happy I married C.

Reason three: Pressure

I heard a statistic that people who believe in perfect soul mates tend to get divorced more often than those who believe it takes work to keep the marriage going. I think believing you are marrying your best friend or your soul mate puts so much pressure on the relationship. It makes you think everything should be perfect. Marriage takes work. It’s not perfect and never will be. I would love to believe that we don’t have to work at it, but we do. Trying to make everything perfect can strain a relationship. Perfection is unattainable and it’s not a word we use to describe our marriage. We are happy, but we work every day to keep our relationship healthy. It’s not a choice you have to make. I love C and I cannot imagine my life with him but we still need to make time for us and keep our relationship fluid. I don’t think putting that kind of pressure on the relationship makes for a healthy, happy and successful one.

There are many more reasons but those are my top three. Although we have a close relationship and have similar attributes that best friends have, we are much more than that. He’s the love of my life. He makes me want to be a better person every day. I think putting that label on it degrades the love we have. It’s deep, it’s intense but most of all it’s made me happier than I have ever been.

Another round of firsts

On July 10 we celebrated C's birthday with a very special Mexican Fiesta party at his cottage. It was a blast! Everybody seemed to have had a great time, plus I got to try out my hand at cooking Mexican foods from slow roasted beef and chicken to dirty rice. It was a feast indeed! A big thank you to our friends for coming and to some new friends K & A for bringing fireworks! That's a way to cap off a great night ;)

After work on Monday, I started to feel really sick. Ah...I had the flu...fever, aches, chills, nausea and many other flu like symptoms. I couldn't eat and could barly move from my bed to the couch. For the first time in mnay years I was not alone...C lived with me. Finally I could be taken care of and not have to figure out how to get gingerale or crackers. It was Tuesday at 10:00pm when I realized, C had not come home and I was alone. The whole week while I was in bed sick with the flu my new husband was working on his car at his parents house, coming home only to sleep and always after I was in bed for hours already. This marked our first fight as Mr. and Mrs. Martin. I have the flu. I cannot move. I cannot go to the store to get myself gingerale or any other items I may need. I was sick.C was busy working on his car, not working on getting me crackers! In those few days of being sick I felt worse than I had felt in a long time. How can you be married, have a partner and not have anybody to take care of you? I cried many times that week - some tears of pure hurt and some of shame that I felt so alone. I still don't really understand how you can avoid your sick wife for a week? I get that life doesn't stop just because I am sick, however I would appreciate a quick check in, some supplies and perhaps a hug before going to work on cars. Yes...the battle continues....cars vs Elizabeth. I hope I win next time.  

After my illness kicked my butt. My sister and her crew came over for a visit. It was so nice to see my nephews and my sister! Seeing them really lifted my spirits. I felt better, I felt people cared, time to move on. On Saturday my mom and aunty joined me for a girls night out - which entailed an incredible dinner at Tundra (Hilton Hotel - amazing summerlicious menu - check it out!). Then we crossed the street and watched Donny and Marie Osmond at the Four Seasons Centre. First, I have been a HUGE fan of Marie Osmand my entire life. Every summer I would watch Gift of Love, which she starred in. I was determined to be her one day...that hasn't happened but I was excited to see her! Sadly, she did NOT perform! No, she was sick...which meant Donny had to do the full show. OH the maddness of people. I have never seen so many Walking on a Cloud wearing laides be so mad. People were screaming for their money back. Instead of yelling, or being upset, we decided to get an upgrade on our tickets. WE had the best view of Donny Osmand...and I must say he has aged well! It was a good show. After we tried to sneak in a hello, however he was too tired to say hello, give an autograph or take a picture with the many women waiting at the stage door. My opinion of him is not as great as it used to be, but hey he's kinda old so I guess he needed a nap. Anyway, the best part of the whole show was enjoying it with my mom and aunt. We always have fun together and never stop laughing. The older I get the happier I am that my family is so awesome. I am a relaly lucky girl. I am determined to do more nights like that - but next time my sister will have to join us! The four of us Sweet/Guy/Newcomb/Martin girls...out on the town! Good times ;)

I am hoping this week turns out to be full of laughter and good times! Stay tuned...another marital story coming soon!

One month in

Well, I can't believe it but yesterday was our one month anniversary Yes folks, C and I have been married for ONE whole month. It still baffles me, I am married. I have a husband. Most days I feel like I am playing house, it's not real - it's just pretend but it's not. So far married life has been a blast. People often ask what my favourite part of it is and I don't know if I can choose just one. I love waking up and seeing C there. I love having two bath towels in the bathroom and the smell of his body wash. I love having so much good food in the fridge - the house is no longer carb free! I love sitting with him on couch watching tv. I love eating dinner every night together. BUT most of all, I love all the laughter we share. I cannot stress how important it is to laugh together. It really makes for a fun relationship and one that I intend to protect at all costs.

It's funny how things have changed for me in just one month. First I am way less stressed out about things. It's really great to have a partner to fall back on if something were to happen. That peace of mind has followed me into work. I am not getting caught up on the small things anymore, I just want to get my job done so I can go home to my husband. Nothing makes me happier than to see the clock change to 4:30pm and I can leave to see my man. I have also started really getting into cooking/baking. I always liked to cook before and would make things when he came over, but i never really made full meals for myself or baked anything substantial. Now that I am married - I cook everyday and at least once a week I bake something.

Last night for our one month I baked a special Italian inspired dinner. First I used my magic bullet (best thing I have ever bought!) to make my bruschetta mixture. I toasted the baguette in a pan with butter - so it was warm, buttery and amazing! For the main course I created our favourite two dishes from Italy. Mine was pasta - so I made cannelloni stuffed with ricotta cheese and spinach then smothered with my homemade tomato sauce and cheese. Chris's favourite was lemon veal, so I found the recipe online of how to make it a true Italian dish and bam we were back in Italy. For dessert I decided to add in a little of home, a fresh Ontario grown Strawberry Pie...and it was delicious! I am very proud of my creation.

So with one month down and a lifetime to go, I am pretty certain my life will be full of love, laughter and excitement.